Friday, November 13, 2009

What if it were me?





I have been hesitant to post about mom because we had to re-think Korea.  She did get the OK to go but that blasted pain had to push back the date.  How can you take that kind of flight when you can't even make it through the airport?  Then her internal medicine doctor gave her a med which seemed to help ease that pain (but could also be from that last radiation treatment) and last weekend mom sounded GREAT.  It was the first halfway normal weekend she's had in a looooong time. 

Korea is definitely still an option but we're taking a week and looking at any possible similar treatments here in the US.  If there is nothing, then I believe that we'll be heading over there.  We have split-up various hospitals and research clinics between four of us and are doing our best in search of the next best hope.  I will keep you posted...

You know, I was going to write in this post how insane work has been lately and the headaches it's been giving me... how my disgusting persistent cough is grossing even me out... how our one-year old water heater just broke and we didn't turn in the warranty nor save the receipt on it... and how chaotic life has been...

Um, it's time to take in a deep breath and realize that life is good.  No matter how wacky and crazy it is... it's my life.  And when your parent is facing life and death decisions each and every day... well, I have nothing to complain about.  I've very often wondered "what if it were me"?  And I can't even do that and think it could be anything close to what she is going through.  The truth is, I have no clue what she is really experiencing.  I only think I have an idea of what it might be like and then have to make that ten-fold... and still, I know it won't come close.  So, basically - it is unfathomable. 

Why then, do I do that?  I catch myself asking that question, out of the blue... driving my car, sitting at my desk, looking at my daughters.  "What if it were me"?  I guess that question will be reality for all of us someday.  But I think I would have to answer my own question like this:  "I would want to be like her".  Wow, she is tough.  Through pain and all the things that come with chemo, radiation and those life-and-death decisions... she fights and fights.  When she couldn't push through that pain one more step... she took one more step. 

So, here we go... to find the next best hope... or fly to Korea... or invent a cure ourselves.  

This ain't over, Mr. Cancer.  Even Iron Mike lost his Heavyweight Champion of the World title.