Have a little faith...

I’ve used the word God quite a few times in this blog… and cussed a little too… oops (guess you can take the girl out of ‘da hood but you can’t take ‘da hood out of the girl). I feel a need to pontificate (yes, I used the word pontificate)…

I loved Grace Baptist Church. Up on a hill with reflected light… like a beacon. Friendly and casual. Saturday evening worship is the best. Come as you are. The songs are contemporary and meaningful. The pastors full of knowledge and sincerity.

We are all lost at one time or another. Some of us are lost longer than others. Some of us received signs of guidance but either chose to look past them or wasn’t ready to see them. I was angry at God at a time in my life when I felt he “made” me enter a place that totally broke my heart. I won’t go into the details but I found that people who claimed they were working on God’s behalf really weren’t at all. I felt disillusioned and sad… and broke my tie with Him.

So for quite a few years I tried to fill my spiritual gap with other things. I even checked out the Church of Scientology. Now when I see them outside of movie theaters and tourist areas, asking people to take a “free personality test”, I cringe and speed quickly by. Nothing bad happened there but they have nothing to do with God nor any kind of “religion”. Yet, they will tell you that you can bring any religion you have and that your faith is your faith. There were no paintings or images of Christ… no Bibles… no songs of praise or worship. There were, however, lots of images including busts of L. Ron Hubbard. There is a sort of worship to him. Strange. I guess anyone can start their own religion and like the worst garage band in the neighborhood, have groupies.

Somehow, I always knew He was there even when I didn’t want to see Him. He was persistent enough to wait for me, like someone always over my shoulder. One day, with the realization of being unsuccessful in filling that hole in my heart, I turned and accepted Him back. From that point on, my perspective on me… on life… on everything completely changed. Now I know why Self Help books fly off of bookshelves and why so many people see psychiatrists and life coaches. Now I know why they always feel like something is missing but that it will get better if they change their job, divorce their spouse or embark on a journey to “find themselves”. It’s that gap, that hole that is left unfilled. We work so hard on our bodies and our minds but not so much on our souls. And even when we do, we look elsewhere. We don’t want to see that it’s Him. Embarrassed or ashamed, we look right past Him.

The reason why I say that I don’t believe God has a “plan” for us is not to say that He doesn’t have a plan to have his children in Heaven when the time comes. Nor is it to say that He doesn’t bestow a “calling” to those who take advantage of listening to Him and truly do work on his behalf. But because there are a lot of people out there who say “God allows children to suffer” or “God wasn’t there for me when that terrible thing happened”. When I wrote that God gives us many highways… some we choose and some just end up on – it is to say that God gives us freedom, free will, this Earth (a house we are supposed to take care of), our bodies that are not always perfect (although perfect to Him) and hearts that can be swayed to do bad things. Out of many directions to travel, we are the ones who choose which way to go.

Cancer strikes birds, fish, cows, our cats and dogs, sheep, pigs and even plants. Almost half of all pets who die after 10 years of age die of cancer. Our dog, Chevy, has cancer. We’ve spent close to $5,000 trying to keep him with us. Chevy didn’t do anything to make God give him cancer. This is just the way cells work sometimes; either by environment, chemicals or our own immune system. I don’t blame Caltrans (who builds our Los Angeles freeways) when I get lost. It’s complicated out there and I better figure out where I need to go and the best and safest route to take. I can’t blame God that my mother has cancer. He didn’t give it to her. He doesn’t have a plan for her to suffer. She just got it, like millions of other people every year. And there are people out there who are trying to find a cure. We have science and we have God. I happen to believe in both.

There is a supposed conflict out there between science and God. How can you believe the whole Bible when you can’t get past the first book (Genesis)? There is conflict between the way the Bible says Earth and man were created and the way many scientists believe they were created. In relation to Genesis, The Bible Commentary - Based on the NIV, says it perfectly:

“It is right and proper that those with scientific training should seek light on the secrets of nature and man’s past from the Scriptures as well as from the evidence of the physical universe. They are both the work of the same God, and ultimately cannot be in conflict. But it must never be assumed that this information, incomplete by its very nature, and always liable to be modified as science advances, is a true understanding of the Scriptures and their purpose. We must never think that this world’s wisdom and the knowledge give a believer an advantage in the understanding of God’s revelation, nor that ignorance is an aid to spirituality”.

I don’t quote Scripture. I don’t know enough to even do so properly (undoubtedly due to my lack of attendance in church). I wonder sometimes if God thinks I’m not a very good Christian. But then I think there is a place for someone like me. People don’t like billboards that read “Fear God” and those who carry signs that read “Repent Sinners”! or corner you in a grocery store shoving a piece of paper in your hand asking if you’ve found the Lord.

Just STOP, breathe in and out slowly and thoughtfully… and then close your eyes. Can’t you feel who is just over your shoulder? Faithful in waiting for you, He has always been there. You don’t need to look for alternatives to God.

No, I am not that person at the grocery store asking if you’ve found the Lord. I am sort of normal… living my sort of normal life. I’m just thinking that maybe you have blamed God for something terrible that has happened to you or someone you love. I’m also thinking that maybe it’s time to see and acknowledge the ONLY thing that can fill that void you feel. You probably won’t go out and become a missionary. You might still let some cuss words fly every now and again. You won’t be perfect and you won’t be a perfect Christian. But you can finally give in to loving someone who has always loved you. It’s a promise of peace that will cover and hold you. When you’re sick and sad and angry and frustrated and feel totally alone… there are arms you can run to. You will no longer feel alone because you will no longer be alone.   He's always been there... you just need to turn around.
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